Saturday, August 29, 2009

For the Unwary, upon entering the 'spillway'.

Well. I seem to have cleared all the hurdles.
Joining a new club (and an elite one such as this) was bound to be difficult. That initial 'casual' request for an email address, followed relentlessly by a vigilant 'Ed' personage requiring me to chose a Username ( what's wrong with being Anonymous, anyway - or a Troll?). I'm no fool however : I saw that these 'easygoing' and 'relaxed' procedures were simply ways of getting me to lower my guard.

Sure enough, no sooner had I begun to enlighten and educate others with an (admittedly) dazzling display of arcane musical erudition, when up popped an 'enforcer' called 'sonofwebcore'. Concealing iron fist in velvet words of chummy 'helpfulness', he deftly highlighted my error in posting my nuggets of wisdom too late in the week for me to earn my rightful place at the forefront, and 'suggested' I join in the Thursday-night melee, at some hour made all the more ungodly by being set selfishly convenient for the population of the UK - but an hour later for us in one of the ex-colonies (France in my case).

This I knew was a test, an initiation ordeal for the New Boy - or Nube, if I may be permitted to mint a word that soon no doubt will find its place in the Oxford Dictionary Definitions of Internet English - or ODDIE (I generally abhore acronyms but this one fits the bill admirably, being both short and slightly amusing).

I think I acquitted myself adequately - without covering myself in unnecessary glory - and I am now awaiting the call to the inner sanctum, where piffling rules and deadlines will be waived. I look forward to cosy chats with the self-styled 'Ed', about say, the Future of Popular Music and how our group intends to shape it - although I think I will stick with the more formal Edward (or is it Edwina?) until we are better acquainted - at the club: somewhere comfortably sedate in Mayfair, I imagine, or painfully avant-garde in Lewisham.
But before then, there will probably be other tests and challenges to face. I have not previously refused calls for sexual services, nor financial 'contributions' if they are reasonable - though I would object to demands for both, I suppose.

A final Word for the Unwary: elite clubs such as this, in common with all cliques and 'In-Crowds,' insist on coded forms of speech - verbal masonic handshakes - designed to exclude outsiders and oi polloi. Do not be lulled into a false sense of security when you spot the 'Explanation for 'Donds' etc. This is merely one word in a site littered with such tricks - you'll soon enough be tripping over 'zeds' and 'noms' to mention just two of a host of cunning linguistic in-jokes that must surely be lurking for the unsuspecting contributor. Humour here takes on devious shapes - Be on your guard !



Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ToffeeBoy said...

This can't be an elite club - I'm a member and so's tincanman ...

AliMunday said...

That's it, there is no escape. You must follow the way of The Spill.

Makinavaja said...

Welcome. I broke the rules with my EOTWQ post this week, apparently, and I haven't been thrown out yet! Hope you enjoy this place as much as I do.

mnemonic said...

Isn't the club bar somewhere in mid-Atlantic?

tincanman said...

Welcome Paradise. Or can I all you Bloody? No, perhaps best to wait.

Ignore ToffeeBoy, he's just sore you missed the first seven(?) of his 12 tasks. (Although RR Monkey reports the entire series will be available on DVD for Christmas. Hallelujah, huh?)

BloodyParadise said...

I hope so too. I think it was when I saw you getting away with it: with no fear of garrotting, or being forced to perform socially humiliating tasks like cleaning up after other people's bad punctuation, I thought that perhaps I too could - sorry, just a moment - there's some heavy hammering at the front-door . . .

glasshalfempty said...

Welcome BP

Of course, you've already tripped at the first hurdle. One of the unwritten rules is that every post must have a picture (don't believe me? Check it out). Blimpy will no doubt be in touch.

There are lots of other unwritten rules of course. And we'll point them out each time you breach one. Politely.

Only joking. But as you will see the house style here is laid back, open minded, good humoured, non-judgemental and non-confrontational. Oh, and we spend quite a lot of time on things musical.

Welcome aboard.

BloodyParadise said...

I need a photo opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don’t want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard.

'and tincanman when you call me - you can call me bloody
call me bloody . . .'

tincanman said...




BloodyParadise said...

Anonymous - I'd like to order 2 ounces of thermostat-free chocolate, to be delivered, by you personally, to my residence here in the south of France, at no extra cost.

And then I'd like you to swallow the entire packaging. If it means witnessing death by bubble-wrap, then I'll gladly pay the surcharge.

Yours good-humouredly and non-judgementally, but hopefully terminally.
RW (call me bloody, I am sometimes)

tincanman said...

What name do you use on RR, btw?

BloodyParadise said...

How long has this been going on?
Since Blimpy's Jan 2008 posting?
And now 5 more tasks?
That's a Heraculean pile of shite to wade through!

Oh, your friends with their fancy persuasions
Don't admit that it's part of a scheme
But I can't help but have my suspicion
'Cause I ain't quite as dumb as I seem.

It's yet another Nube-test.

ToffeeBoy said...

@ BloodyParadise

I t hought for a minute you were claiming (in response to tincanman's question) that you posted under the name of ToffeeBoy on RR. Which would be odd for both of us. I was kind of relieved to realise that instead you were merely dissing my Herculean Task!

Nope, the twelve tasks began in January 2009 - the idea was to expose some of the jazz, folk and blues officianados, often found wandering the corridors of the 'Spill with a dazed (some would say, drugged) expression on their faces, to the joys of pop music and, at the same time, to attempt to understand why practically no one onm RR seemed to like the same music as me. I soon realised that this wasn't the case (I can usually rely on sourpus to come to my aid and snadfrod often shows up (after the battle is lost) to offer his support) but I still feel that there's a pointless fight to fight, somewhere around here.

And remember, one man (or woman's) shite is another man (or woman's) poop. Possibly.

Oh, and my maths makes it 4 more tasks. I think ...

TatankaYotanka said...

It's yet another Nube-test.

From now on we'll call them BlooPas

tincanman said...

And yet we always rise to the bait, TY. You could say they've got us by the nubes.

TatankaYotanka said...

Ahh, TCM, indeed, with nubs on ..

goneforeign said...

As one of the drugged jazz officianados I can sympathise with Toffee's paranoia that no one likes his taste in music, In my case it's not paranoia, I KNOW they don't like my music. But onwards, we must persevere. Take a good look around before you say anything. And welcome.!

Blimpy said...

Big up Lewisham, SE London crew!

Proudfoot said...

BP, you've already leapt one hurdle in that GHE (glasshalfempty) referred to you by your initials. A rare sign of approval so swiftly for an acolyte. It took me about three years to get my first pf, perhaps because I might otherwise be confused with the esteemed fp.

At least I didn't have to go to Lewisham.

Anyway, Gabba, gabba. We accept you. One of us.