Friday, February 29, 2008

The Heathers Question



Okay, one of the best films of all time is "Heathers" (FACT!)
And because I put the word fact in capitals in brackets after makes it indisputable.
In "Heathers", the horrific clique of girls would do their awful polls at lunchtime, which for some reason just sprung into my head - and has made me want to ask a similarly styled question...

So, my question to you all is this: 

Aliens land, and threaten to blow up the planet, unless you can convince them that Earth is worth saving by showing them one piece of art (a song, a painting, a poem, a 7" record, a pottery, whatever) that they can take away for further consideration - WHAT DO YOU GIVE THEM? 



17 comments:

nilpferd said...

I'd give them some snazzy window paint shapes my daughter just threw together this afternoon.. blew me away..

ejaydee said...

I'm thinking of Bernini's Daphne and Apollo. Kind Of Blue comes close. Actually, some people have already answered your question and sent a bunch of stuff in space, in case aliens come across it. I know it includes Dark Was The Night Cold Was The Ground, Johnny B. Goode, and some classical stuff among others.

nilpferd said...

The trouble with Kind of Blue is, the alien might say "hey, I heard that in Starbucks the other day" and liquidize you..
You'd have to suss the alien out.. with some you'd be in with a haiku or Brancusi's Flight, with others you'd need the Godfather trilogy, the legend of Gilgamesh, or Mr Sammler's Planet. There'd be some who'd be happy with a Mars bar and a coke.
I'd say, Kieslowski's Three colours trilogy, a perfect blend of introspection, humility, self criticism, irony and optimism. Just the qualities you want to project into the universe.

Tempusfugit said...

I think I'd send them Bach's Cello Suites. I never tire of listening to them, and I have been for the last 25 years. Beautiful, complex, intriguing, contemplative music. And when they've finished contemplating their navels, I'd tag on Hi Ho Silver Lining to get them tapping their toes.

ejaydee said...

Well if they've already been to Starbucks, I think that doesn't really help matters as to our fate.

nilpferd said...

Very true. So I suppose the real question is, should aliens land on Earth, how do we stop them going to a Starbucks/Mcwhatevers first before they hear Kind of blue/Bach etc. Maybe we need listening posts on mountain peaks.

Frogprincess said...

I'd hit them between the eyes with Klimt's 'The Kiss'. If they don't understand that they have no soul and I'd feck off to Mars in my spaceship (with Spacer on the i-pod)and leave the earth to them.

Blimpy McFlah said...

I think "Do You Realize" by The Flaming Lips may give em food for thought, either that or a bottle of red wine and ten fags.

glasshalfempty said...

I'm kinda working on the assumption they might not speak English, so I'd zap them with a Kandinsky or Bridget Riley or something, maybe accompanied by a classical Indian raga, or Nilpfer's inspired Lime in da coconut, which sounds like morse code for aliens (hope it doesn't mean anything provocative in their language)

steenbeck said...

Antoine Forqueray, 2eme suite, Chaconne La Buisson; Durer's painting of a clump of grass; L'Atalante; The last third of Ezra Pound's poem The Exile's Letter; or if you want them to know what people are like, violence and all, Ghost Dog or War and Peace

Blimpy McFlah said...

Maybe they could take this:

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Samuel_Palmer_002.jpg

To contemplate, whilst listening varied field recordings of birdsong, especially the unique and gentle "ooo" of the wood pigeon.

nilpferd said...

I don't know if it would calm aliens, but we use a cd of German birdsong whenever Nilp. Jr. has more than 3 friends over and it works a treat.
If there's one building I'd have them visit (the aliens), and I suppose I should recommend one, it would be Liebeskind's Jewish Museum in Berlin.
http://www.juedisches-museum-berlin.de/site/EN/homepage.php?meta=TRUE

saneshane said...

nilpferd
fantastic idea...amazing building the jewish museum..but think this through..
alien 1 "great building..amazing humans"
alien 2 "you see what these idiots do..to anyone that may be 'different'..get your space coat"
not very well put but do you see what i'm getting at here?

nilpferd said...

That's exactly what I meant, as Steenbeck suggests above, we ought to be honest about presenting ourselves warts and all.
The museum would show what humans are capable of in every sense of the word, good and bad. It's only fair to the aliens, after all.

Blimpy McFlah said...

@nilp - how can you tell if the birds are singing in German?

nilpferd said...

Blimp- easy. They go "tveet tveet".
Apart from that they put mustard on their worms and wash them down with Pils.

Anonymous said...

Very true.. a starker reality could not be found. (re the museum)
recommend a visit to anyone, including passing aliens.