Monday, March 8, 2010

DEFINITIONS?



Possibly everyone's already seen these, if so my apologies, but a small dialogue twixt webcore and ubu along these lines prompted me to search my old emails. Can't find an appropriate picture nor a tune, you just get dry bread this week.


The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7.. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.



The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

15 comments:

Fintan28 said...

GF excellent stuff. A few thoughts on 2 new words
#2 Ignoranus - A few well paid examples on this side of the pond would be Glen Beck, Sean Hannity & Rush Limbaugh. People who prove that a capitalist system will provide a product for most any market
#4. Reintarnation - the reason the above market exists.

Chris said...

The second list made me spurt laughter. Esplanade and Balderdash are my favourites. Oh, and Pokemon. And...

sonofwebcore said...

Flippin' 'eck, Tony, I laughed me socks off there. Cannot recall how anything I said inspired such a good laugh, though I'm quite happy to take some credit.

D said...

Good to see you here again GF. Delighted to see this brilliant list. I recently thought of a German-Yiddish hybrid:

Schticksal - when one's destiny is to repeatedly perform a corny cabaret act.

DaddyPig said...

Sorry, that was me just then, not sure what happened to my name...

Blimpy said...

hey 'spillers - i added a picture from the archives - remember this one?

gf - hope you don't mind. great post by the way

goneforeign said...

Blimp; Thanks for the pic, perfect.

DarceysDad said...

I'm at serious risk of busting something wide open, trying to stifle my laughter down to a volume that won't wake the girls.

Excellent stuff, gf. Ta.

Japanther said...

brilliant stuff! I loved these!

Marconius7 said...

Funny and witty

Makinavaja said...

Good stuff. Thanks GF.

TatankaYotanka said...

Fervent - device required when tumble-drying cats.

Cruise control - Scientology.

Countryside - to murder Piers Morgan.

TatankaYotanka said...

Farcical - a bike that makes you look like an idiot.

You'll all be getting The Uxbridge English Dictionary from me for Christmas.

TatankaYotanka said...

Uxbridge English Dictionary

From Amazon

goneforeign said...

TatYo; You shouldn't have done that, western civ or what little that's left could grind to a halt, nothing will ever get done! Didn't realise it was an industry.